Discipline (or not)

I’ve never been very good at discipline. Whether it be studying, writing papers, praying, paying attention to daily chores – I’ve always seem to have been an adherent to a more procrastinating style of life. So that is why my commitment to this blog is important to me – not necessarily to you, but to me. I need to have something to help me focus and reflect on a regular, perhaps even daily basis.

I was thinking of writing a book. Not like Jonathan Franzen writes books. But more like David Sedaris or Martin Proost. A forum in which I can put my ramblings down onto some paper and pretend like people would care enough to read what wisdom I have to share. Of course, that is primarily delusional on my part. I mean, after all, it is rather pretentious to think that anyone would be interested in hearing about my life. Sorry David and Martin, but that’s how I feel. As much as I’ve enjoyed reading about your lives, in reality it has only been to escape the boredom of my own.

Now perhaps that’s unfair. Maybe I’m not soooo boring that people would run the minute I come into their visual field. But fact is, my life is my life, and like all of us I suspect, it seems rather tame. We can always find someone who has more drama than we do.

But today had its moments. I’m 49 years old. I’ve left a successful career(s), and am embarking off on new adventures. I don’t know exactly what I want to do when I grow up. But today I had some encounters which seem to begin to offer some guidance. I know this sounds crazy, but I’m seriously thinking about getting into the alternative/sustainable energy field. I’m in conversation with a company about becoming their Midwestern distributor for their products. I met with a great guy about the potentiality of turning this home into a model for taking old houses and retrofitting them to be more “green.” I’ve been doing some research into other potential markets, and I also got my new recycled soaker hose hooked up to my new rain barrel and it actually is watering new shrubs. It’s the little things that count. That’s what I was missing in my previous life. Most things in the mental health field, as well as the clergy field, tends to be about process not results. I’m tired of process, although I appreciate what it has taught me. No, I’m ready to make something happen. Now.

Hence this blog. I can write something, post something, and know that at least four people will get some kind of notification that I have done so. To the four that have lowered themselves to be “followers” of my blog, I can only say Thank You. That was a real boost.

So enough for tonight. I’m going to also post another essay I wrote last year about being back in St. Louis. Let me know if you enjoy.

Faithfully yours,

Doug